Do you suffer from The Imposter Syndrome?

If the answer to this question is yes, you won’t be the only one. It’s something I have struggled with for years. I’ve always felt I got to where I am today by sheer luck, and that any day people will find out I’m not good enough really. I compare myself to my Radiopharmacist peers and find myself lacking. And when I became President of our wonderful society, it went into overdrive. “I’m not a doctor. I’m not clever enough. I won’t be able to give you in-depth clinical guidance on all the areas of Nuclear Medicine outside of Radiopharmacy.” These are the things which were going round my head and giving me some real anxiety. And guess what – many other people you will have heard of suffer from the same self-doubt, with celebrities such as Kate Winslet, Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks all feeling they have made their careers out of luck. Whilst I wouldn’t argue that luck can play a part, it’s a small part. The wonderful Tom says he wonders ‘How did I get here? When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me?’ The incredible Michelle Obama often feels self-doubt. Even Albert Einstein is quoted as saying “The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler”. 

Well for me all this has changed. I was very fortunate to be able to attend this year’s SNMMI in Chicago. I had planned to do a blog telling you about all the many interesting clinical talks I attended – and I was worrying that what I wrote wouldn’t be good enough. However, the session which really struck a chord with me was called ‘Imposter No More Workshop: Practical Strategies to Step into Full Authenticity and Confidence, led by a MD called Gail Gazelle (great name!) and I sat there in a room full of amazing people, both men and women, all of whom felt the same as I did. I’d like to share some of the main points which have really stuck with me, in the hope that any of you who have similar feelings find it helpful too. 

Firstly, we are not our thoughts. The things we say to ourselves in our heads can be mean. Some of the things I say to myself I would never think of saying of another person. But just because we think them doesn’t make them true. We are our own worst critics and need to be kinder to the one person that will always be with us. Ourselves. 

Secondly, we have learnt to be extremely intolerant of our own mistakes. We expect ourselves to be perfect, and when we’re not, we are much harder on ourselves than other people are. What is the ratio of positive to negative thoughts you have about yourself? Many of us focus too much on our deficits and not enough on the things we do well. 

We did an exercise during the session when we discussed with another person a time we felt we had dealt with something well, and the other person identified our strengths, before swapping over. My strengths include humour, leadership, relationships, problem-solving, courage, positivity, big picture perspective and fairness. Wow – that doesn’t sound too shabby! My partner’s strengths included love of learning, patience, critical thinking, perseverance and curiosity. Notice how our strengths are completely different? We also had to write down our number one negative thought. Mine was that I had felt inferior to my peers. However, the very bright research scientist next to wrote that all her life she had felt unworthy and undeserving of anything positive which came her way. I was appalled that she had written something so unkind about herself. I had heard her speak and she was articulate and bright. However, her moment of clarity came when she realised that no-one else knows as much about her research as she does. And she’s right. 

So I know it may sound crazy. Maybe being in America has affected me (I’m certainly allowing myself to be ‘vulnerable’ at the moment, which feels quite Oprah), but I actually do feel different. I’ve stopped comparing myself to all the other Presidents you’ve had and I don’t feel like a fake. I’ve actually realised that everyone has their strengths and comparing yourself is a fool’s game. I think I’ve actually made quite a good start (I’m resisting being very English and adding a disclaimer here!)

I’m 100% positive I’m not alone in this, and I hope that this blog helps one or two of you out there who have felt the same. Maybe by writing this, I’m demonstrating some courage, hopefully mixed in with a drop of humour (see earlier strengths references). 

I’d like to finish by sharing a quote Gail Gazelle brought to my attention from American science author, Adam Grant: ‘Imposter syndrome is a paradox: others believe in you; you don’t believe in yourself; yet you believe yourself instead of them. If you doubt yourself, shouldn’t you doubt your judgement of yourself? When multiple people believe in you, it might be time to believe them.’

Hopefully see you in London on 31st October for the Autumn meeting. Please come along – all of you are what makes our meetings. And we all bring something equally important to the party!